Without Leave
by slytherinrules85
Summary: She did her Carter thing and then he stood up, to do his O’Neill thing and haul that damn door off its damn hinges to get out of the damn cell and back to the damn gate and then home, so he could take a damn cold shower again. [Eventually SamJack]
1. Damn Internal Monologues

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Stargate_, sadly. MGM does. Neither do I own _The Simpsons_ or _Pirates of the Caribbean_, or even a Swiss Army Knife.

**Title:** Without Leave [subject to change

**Author:** slytherinrules85

**Rating:** Strong-ish Teen. I'm guessing anyone 13+ who's been active in fanfiction for any amount of time will find this fairly tame, though.

**Spoilers:** None that I can think of, but there will probably be references and this takes place after Season 6.

**Author's Note:** So, this is my first non-HP fic, and I really hope that it doesn't completely suck. Especially since I love Sam/Jack and _Stargate_ is my new fandom love. So… enjoy, and please review!

* * *

"Carter?"

Jack O'Neill rolled over, groaning from the zat blast. Funny how it always seemed to hit him in the right spot, causing his back to be sore for days.

"Sir?" Carter's voice brought him back from sending Very Bad Luck vibes from whatever Jaffa had shot him. "You okay?"

"Fine, Carter, I'm fine." Funny how every time he woke up while on a mission – whether they were camping out, or he'd been shot with a zat (and on one occasion, fed something green and sticky that he _really_ didn't want to remember) – the first thing out of his mouth was "Carter?" usually followed by a "You alright?".

_It's because she's a valued member of my team,_ he thought. _Not for any other reason. Nope, nosirree, not at all._

_Oh, shove it,_ thought the treacherous part of his mind that also forced him – on a regular basis – to guard Carter's six. _For safety_, he justified it to himself. _Never know when a Goa'uld might pop up, or Jaffa. Or, y'know, someone with a huge gun, ready to kill her. I mean, uh, "the team"._

_Yeah, yeah,_ thought the bit of him that also forced him to ponder why, fercryin'outloud, couldn't the frat regs be bent for two people who had saved the world, what, eight times now? Nine? He never remembered. _You go ahead and delude yourself while you're starin' at Carter's six. It _is_ a good sight, after all._ He could _feel_ his subconscious smirking. Damn it.

Now she was staring at him in a weird way. "Sorry," he muttered. "Headache." He paused, and looked her over, trying not to seem overly concerned. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, sir." She was going through her vest. "Oh, for cryin' out loud," he heard her grumble. He smirked. He liked it that she'd picked up on his phrases. The smirk fell from his face when she turned to look at him, an annoyed look covering her face. "They rifled through my pockets, sir. I don't have anything to blow the door."

Jack sighed and slumped against the wall, examining the cell door that locked them in. Hopefully Daniel and Teal'c were out there, somewhere, and they'd be able to break out and join them before hotfooting it back to the gate and going back to the SGC. His eyes lit upon the hinges. "Ha!" he crowed, grinning. "We can lever the door out of its hinges!" Carter's eyes widened with surprise. "Oh, c'mon, Carter, occasionally I have a bright idea. You can't have a _complete_ monopoly, y'know."

She hid her smile well. "Yes, sir. But, uh, it's not usually your, um… department?" She coughed. He mock-glowered at her.

"Well, if you _must_ know, it's not _entirely_ my idea," he said.

"Ah," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"I got it from a movie."

"Not _The Simpsons_?"

He rolled his eyes and hoped she couldn't see. "Carter, not everything in my life revolves around _The Simpsons_." He heard her snort, and there was a tiny giggle that followed it. "Alright, alright. _Most_ of it revolves around _The Simpsons_. But not all of it!"

"Yes, sir."

"Was that _sarcasm_, Major?"

"Never, sir." He could swear that her lips twitched, momentarily, upward. In a smiling fashion.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled at her. There was a pause, and then she coughed. "What?"

"Your idea, sir?"

"What about it?"

"Where'd you get it from?" He knew that tone: it was the one she used when she was just _itching_ to know something. He grinned, but just a little.

"You don't _know_?" God, that's sad, Carter." He elbowed her lightly and felt her sigh.

"_Sir._"

He rolled his eyes. "Right, right. It's from _Pirates of the Caribbean_. The first one, that is." He looked at her. Her face was blank and she looked – he was, well, not _gleeful_, since Colonels aren't allowed to be gleeful, but certainly giddy, in a smug way – confused. _He'd_ confused Carter! Ha! Sweet! "Carter, _please_ tell me you've seen _Pirates of the Caribbean_."

"Uh, no sir. I haven't." She blushed a little, embarrassed.

He couldn't help staring, a bit open mouthed. "Carter, everyone in the _world_ has seen that movie. How can you not've seen it?"

"Work, sir." Now she was getting defensive.

"Yeah, yeah, gotta save the world. I've seen that one. The heroine ends up lonely with nothing to do. You've got to get out more often, Carter. That's an order." He gave her a semi-amused smile.

Her eyes twinkled back at him. "I'm out now, sir. Meeting new people, going new places."

He scoffed, and took in their surroundings. "Yeah, well, you see one Goa'uld prison, you've seen 'em all."

"I don't know, sir," she said, in her Practical Voice, "some are more upscale than others."

"You're right, Carter," he said, giving her a healthy dose of sarcasm, "the prison Osiris put me 'n Teal'c in was pretty swanky. Thank you, oh so much, for pointing that out."

"Glad to be of help, sir," she said, sounding absent.

"Carter?" He turned towards her.

"Trying to get my Swiss Army Knife out, sir," she huffed, pulling on something – but he couldn't see where her hands were.

"…" He blinked, and the thought of the location of her unseen hands made his brain present him with too many unseemly – for a C.O., that is – images. He shook his head, banishing the images. "Carter, d'you need any help?"

_Damn, damn, damn, I did _not_ mean to ask her that!_ he thought, wincing inwardly.

"And," he added, trying to keep his calm, "if we're going to lever the door off its hinges, _why_ do you need a knife?"

"No, I don't need any help, sir," she said, pulling the knife from somewhere – that he was _not_ going to think about! – and flicking one of the tools out. "We need it, because it has a tube of lubricant in it. And we need _that_ to get the hinges slick, so they'll slide off."

He closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to imagine a world where Carter had _not_ just said "lubricant" or "slick". God. That was a happy world. He wanted to go back.

_No you don't,_ said that annoying voice. _You want her to go on, don't you? I don't see why you haven't talked to Hammond yet – he'd go to bat for you. Screw Kinsey, the president would even let you and Carter get it on! But, no, you don't want to mention it. If you had, that could've been an entirely _different_ type of lube she was talking about._

"Shutup, shutup, shutup!" he hissed to himself. He could feel her giving him an inquisitive look. "Nothing. Get on with it, then!"

"Right, sir." Was it his imagination, or did her voice sound a little strangled right there? No – he shook his head – he was just having a bout of wishful thinking. Carter didn't do 'strangled voice' or 'full of emotion' – at least, not for anything short of dying. Damn it!

She did her Carter-thing and then he stood up, to do his O'Neill thing and haul that damn door off its damn hinges to get out of the damn cell and back to the damn gate and then home, so he could take a damn cold shower _again_.

The door, however, wasn't cooperating. It was heavy and mostly stuck. He grunted with the effort of lifting it.

"Sir?"

"_What_, Carter?" he snapped, still trying to lift the door.

"Can I help?" she said, her tone completely blank.

"I don't know, can you?" he said, unable to _not_ be sarcastic.

She sighed. "May I, then?"

"Go right ahead, Major."

Together they lifted the door off its hinges, propped it against the wall and then paused for a second.

"Next time," he said, "just smuggle a radio in… wherever that knife was…" _not that I was thinking about it!_ his mind screamed, "and jerry-rig that, and we'll let Danny-boy and T come rescue us."

"Sounds like a plan, sir," she said, laughing a bit.

"Alright then. Let's move out." He wished he had his trusty P-90 to hold onto – _and guard Carter's six with_, shut up shut up shut up – but all he could do was stuff his hands into his pockets as they made their way out of the building and back to the woods.

Walking back in the direction Carter said the gate was in, he stopped for a moment, frowning and listening to everything around him. The odd sound he was hearing finally registered with his brain and he grabbed the back of Carter's vest and pulled her to the ground, landing on top of her, with his hand over her mouth.

"_Jaffa, kree!"_ a voice said, from maybe fifty yards away.

"Shh," he hissed at Carter, who'd been making tiny sounds of annoyance about being squished underneath her C.O.

She glared up at him, but shut up. He moved his hand. "You couldn't tell me there were Jaffa on our six?" she whispered, her voice matching her expression.

"No time," he replied, trying to hunker down and be more camouflaged.

"That's my-" she stopped, and turned red, as one of his legs found a gap to delve into.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, avoiding eye contact as he moved his leg from in between hers.

She opened her mouth to reply at the same time he heard someone moving around in the underbrush behind them. She didn't hear the Jaffa, he knew, and she was going to give away their position and land them back in a cell that _didn't_ have a door that would succumb to leverage. So he did the only thing he could, to keep her quiet.

He kissed her. Soundly.

_That's the spirit,_ the little voice said at the back of his head. _Shut up, _he growled at it. _Damn internal monologues._


	2. Maturity Is Overrated

_He wasn't going to think about it. Wasn't. Absolutely wasn't going to cross his mind. No. Never. Ever. Ever. Again._

Jack O'Neill huffed as he pulled on the weight machine, only a little worn out by the effort. Not that he was _old_ or anything – just sore from his last mission.

_Oh, you mean the one where you jumped Carter and then kissed her senseless?_ asked the snide little voice in the back of his head. The one that snickered at him when he tried to be funny after an awkward moment with Carter.

"I did NOT," he muttered to himself. "I just… fell."

_And her lips caught you? Right._ the voice continued. _Y'know, you really suck at this 'in denial' crap._ He glared, and a sergeant that had been heading for the same machine as he was retreated, almost at a run. _I am NOT in denial. That's a river in Egypt._ His alter-ego, as he was beginning to think of it – the one that _caused_ him to do things like totally ignore protocol and jump Carter when Jaffa were on their six, even though she was perfectly capable of not giving away their position and camouflaging herself – scoffed at him.

_You can deny it all you want,_ the voice said. It was smug. He hated it when he was smug at himself. It was _so_ unfair. _Oh, I can, can I?_ he thought, sent even further into his bad mood. _Yeah, sure, you betcha,_ the voice said. _'Cause I'm you. I know what you're really thinking. And, right now, you're thinking that Carter's sports bra is _way_ too big for her. It needs to be skimpier._

He paused in his workout. _Damnit._ He really was thinking that. He dared a quick glance in Carter's direction. Her sports bra – which was more like a workout shirt-sports bra combo – was _far_ too covering. Surely she was hot in that? _Damn, damn, damn, damn!_ he thought. _I don't need to be thinking this! I'm her commanding officer, forcryin'outloud!_

He was so busy arguing with himself, he didn't notice Carter coming over to stand by his machine. "Sir?" she asked.

Thankfully, he didn't jump. Or say what first came to mind, which was something involving both of them and blue jell-o. "Yeah, Carter?" he replied, looking up at her, trying to maintain a vaguely disinterested expression. God, he hoped it worked.

It must not've, because she blushed. "Um, I was just wondering if, er…"

"Spit it out, Carter," he said, tapping his foot. "Not gettin' any younger here."

"Right. Uh. Are we going to O'Malley's tonight, sir?" She paused, and must have realized what that sounded like, because her eyes widened and she continued, "I mean, as a team night. Because otherwise I would make plans."

That last part sounded pretty lame to his ears, and since she was still red, he assumed it did to her, too. "Yeah, Carter. I'll make reservations after I shower off." _In water so cold that going back to Antarctica would seem like Tahiti._ The nasty voice injected into his stream of thought. "Up for a game of pool?"

"You know me, sir. Always up for anything." She grinned at him, and he could've sworn her eyes had a _twinkle_ in them.

"Right. Well. I'd better get going. Let Danny and Teal'c know, would ya? I've got some things to take care of off base before dinner." He stood up and winced as his knees cracked – God, he hated that sound – and saw the strangest thing. As he was stretching his arms behind him, Carter gave him the once-over.

That's right. Major Samantha Carter, the most proper officer he'd ever met, gave him the ol' eyeball. He smirked a little, proud to see that while the strapping young Marines and Airmen that came in and out of the SGC hadn't made her so much as bat an eyelash, but he, an old – _okay, not that old,_ he thought to himself – man made her give him the time-honored female eyeball. The one they held in check for all but the finest specimens of manly… er, manliness.

_Okay_, he admitted to the niggling little bit of him_, maybe not the _finest _specimens. But certainly – probably! – the ones they find the most, uh… well, I don't know. I'm not a woman, thank God. Who knows why they eyeball one guy and stick their noses up at another?_

He was surprised that the annoying part of him had nothing to respond with. _What, did I finally silence you? _he wondered. _Are you gone? Can I be normal again?_

_Huh?_ the voice said. _Oh. Sorry. Nope, not gone. Just, uh, admiring the view._ He finally realized what was in front of him. Carter's… uh… frontal area. _Breasts_, the voice supplied, in – what he was horrified to realize – a _dreamy_ tone. _Oh, no_, he thought. _No no no no no. NO. We are NOT going there! That's off-limits! Even to you… uh, me._

_But they're right there!_ the voice wailed. _Right in front of you! You could just- GRPH FLBTH!_ The voice ceased to say anything, but only because the rational part of his brain – the part of him that didn't want to be seen staring at his second-in-command's _frontal area_ by half the airmen on base – had grabbed it, stuffed a gag in its proverbial mouth and shoved it in the broom closet of his brain.

"Igottago," he said, the words coming out in one big jumble. "Seeyouatseven." Then he rushed out of the gym and into the locker room.

_Coward,_ muttered the voice. _Oh, you've escaped?_ he grumbled to it. _Yeah yeah, you can try to keep me locked up. But I'm you! I say everything you can't. Get over it. _

"I need to get a dog," he muttered, stepping into the shower.

* * *

"You know," he said to himself – because who else did he talk to nowadays? – as he climbed into his truck, "I could've sworn Carter was into Daniel. I mean, she was all… oh, I don't know… weird? About his death. Ascension. Whatever."

_They're friends_, the voice said.

"How do _you_ know?" he grumbled. "You're just a voice in my head. My subconscious, trying to make me acknowledge my feelings for Carter. Well, there! I acknowledged them. Go away."

_Ha, you won't get rid of me so quickly_, the voice said, its tone definitely smug. _And who said I was here for _acknowledgement_? Some of us are all about the whole all-or-nothing thing. Besides, would she give you the ol' eyeball if she were into Daniel? Carter doesn't strike me as the type who'd do that._

"Oh, shut up." And it did, for a while.

At least, until he got to O'Malley's. Where he saw Carter.

_Good God, can jeans really be that tight?_ the voice said, in awe.

He groaned inwardly. It was going to be a _long_ night.

* * *

And, as it turned out, it _was_ a long night. A long night that ended around 3 AM – or 0300, as he was used to thinking – with Carter looking him in the eye and saying, "I don't think I can drive home. I may have had too much to drink." And then she swayed. A bit.

Daniel apologized and said that, normally, he would take her home. But he actually had to get back to the base and finish a translation and he was taking Teal'c with him and it would really be out of his way and would Jack please do him this tiny, miniscule favor and give her a ride home? And, being Daniel, said it in under fifteen seconds.

So, since he was a kind and benevolent person – okay, okay, not so much, but he was when it concerned the team (_You mean when it concerns _Sam the voice said, annoyingly present at the most inopportune moments) – he agreed to it.

Which, like always, when he agreed to do something nice, turned out to be a bad idea.

Oh, the drive was fine. Carter was mostly silent, except for a comment on his radio program of choice ("Art Bell, sir?"). It was the getting-to-the-house part that was difficult. Well, he _said_ 'getting-to-the-house'. It was a bit more complicated than that.

They'd gotten to the house and were standing, leaning on his truck, and staring at it.

"Well," she said. "That's my house."

"Yep."

"Where I live."

"Mhm."

"And sleep."

"Yeah-huh."

"And work, after you order me to take downtime."

"Uh-hu- What?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Right."

"Soooo…"

"Carter, was there something you wanted to say?"

"Well, now that you mention it, sir…"

"Ohforcryin'outloud," he muttered as she turned towards him.

"Are we going to talk about it?" she asked, bluntly.

"To what 'it' are you referring?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "The pool game that I kicked your ass in? My mission report? The sun's gravitational pull and its effect on Earth's velocity in relation to the vacuum of space?"

She opened her mouth and then paused. "You made that last one up."

"Maybe."

"_Sir._"

He sighed. "Carter. Throw me a bone, here. I'm lost."

"What _happened_, sir. On the mission. The one we were just on," she added, unnecessarily helpful.

"Oh. That." He tried to keep a balanced tone, but his voice sounded flat to him. Thankfully, the minor haze of alcohol that enveloped him screened out that nasty, annoying voice. That, or it was shutting up to see where this was going. Which was _nowhere_, of course.

"Yes." She paused. "That."

"What about it, Carter?"

"Well, sir, I'm confused."

"Confused."

"Yes, sir."

"What about?"

She gave him a Look. "You don't _know_?"

He sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck. "_Spell it out for me_, Carter."

"Why did you kiss me, sir?"

Jack shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time." Her mouth dropped open.

"'Seemed like a good idea at the-' Of all the conceited, masochistic things-" She was cut off because he kissed her again. When he pulled away, her eyes were wide and she stared at him.

"Carter. Kissing you always seems like a good idea. Though, apparently, it only happens when we're in mortal peril or one or both of us are drunk. Or semi-drunk. I'd do it more often, only I don't want to be court martialed. Get it?" She was still staring at him. "Carter?"

"Yes sir."

"Now go on inside and go to bed. We've got to be up early for a briefing, I think." He went over to the other side of the truck and was about to get in when she said something. "What was that?"

"Does this change anything?" She motioned between them with her hand.

"I don't know, Carter. You tell me." And then he left.

As he was driving away, the voice said: _Oh, that was mature._


	3. No Good, Rotten, Low Down, Dirty Weasel

Three weeks after he'd kissed Carter outside her house and he hadn't managed to look her in the eye yet.

They'd gone on eight missions and every time she'd tried to finagle her way into being paired with him and every time he put her with Daniel or Teal'c.

One night he came home to find a message on his voicemail from an Unknown Number. He pressed play.

"_You no-good, rotten, low-down, dirty _weasel_! You think you can kiss me and just leave me hanging?! I demand an explanation!"_

He blinked at the answering machine. That was _definitely_ Carter.

"Well," he said to himself. "She's beginning to get a bit antsy."

_And whose fault is that, Prince Charming?_ asked the damn voice. _You did kind of leave her hanging. I hear girls _love_ that._

"Shut up," he muttered, glancing at the clock on the phone and groaned. "Ennngh, time to hit the rack. I can't believe I invited the team over for a cookout. Like being around Carter at work wasn't bad enough." He grabbed a beer from the fridge and as he was drinking it, the voice said, _Hope she's bringing the brats, don't you?_

Beer sprayed across the kitchen. "The _hell_," Jack said.

The voice didn't say anything further, but he got a distinct impression that it was smug. He groaned again and went to bed. This was going to be worse than the night at the bar, he just had a feeling.

* * *

And he was right. Because the next day when he opened his front door to see Daniel and Teal'c standing there, with Carter's head poking in between them, he could tell.

She was up to something. And, God help him, he _really_ wanted to know what. And, thankfully, he didn't have to wait long.

When they came in, he was surprised to see that she was wearing a jacket and since it was about a hundred million degrees or so outside – or it certainly felt like it – he didn't see how she wasn't a puddle of sweat. And then she took off the jacket.

His jaw dropped. He couldn't help it.

It was that sweet little tank top number she'd worn when she attacked them that first year, after the trip to P3X-797.

(Of course, shortly afterward, they'd both turned into cavemen because of what he ended up thinking as "severe allergies to somethin' on that damn planet", but that was neither here nor there.)

And she saw him staring. And she grinned. And then she flounced – _flounced!_ – past him, into the kitchen. He couldn't stop himself from saying to the other two, "I'm just gonna go help Carter," and then practically dashing after her.

By the time he caught up with her, she was standing in front of his sink and looking out the window. With one of his beers in hand.

It had to be the hottest thing he'd ever seen.

"Uh, Carter?" he said, after coughing awkwardly. _Why did I cough? It's my damn house, forcryin'outloud!_

_Shut up,_ the voice said. _She's wearing the tank top!_ A number of images paraded through his mind, most of them involving him removing said tank top, but he quickly banished those to the space in his mind currently titled 'Break In Case Of Apocalypse (Or Goa'uld invasion, or other alien thing that Carter can't solve, God forbid' with smaller letters reading 'WARNING:

Contents Under Pressure!'

He gulped.

"Yes sir?" she said. She sounded so _innocent._ And then she turned around. She was smiling. Mischievously.

_Oh shit,_ he thought. _I'm in for it._

"Uh. Nice… shirt." _If you can call it that,_ the voice said. _Oh, she's good. She's _very_ good._

"Thank you, sir." She smiled. It was definitely on. "I invited a friend, if you don't mind."

"A friend?" _God, I hope it's not that complete _ass_-_

"Pete, sir."

He screamed. In his mind. Out loud he said, "Well, Carter, I kinda thought it was just a team thing, but if you want to…" he shrugged. "Far be it from me to stop you. Can ya hand me a beer?" _I'm seriously going to need one. Or eight. Possibly twelve. I knew I should've bought more than the twenty-four pack the other day. _She handed him the desired beer.

_Ugh,_ the voice said. _Not that smarmy little suck-up stalker cop._ Jack . _The one and the same,_ he thought sourly. _Blech. You should've shot him. You still could! He could be considered a national security risk,_ the voice offered, its tones far too helpful.

_If only,_ he thought back at it. _If only. And why are you being so damn helpful all of a sudden? _

_Probably because I don't like Pete either,_ the voice said. _Don't get used to it._

_Don't worry, I won't. _

_You should do something about it!_ the voice said, sounding enthusiastic. _Be brave, for once. Do something. You can't lose her to… ugh… _Pete

_Shut _up he thought back. _You know I can't. It's against the regs. _

_Oh, fu-_ the voice started, but he muffled it again and focused back on what was before him.

Carter was leaning back into the fridge, and the tank top was riding up. He could swear his eyes bugged out of his head. "Sweet," he whispered.

"'scuse me, sir?" she said, looking back over her shoulder.

"Oh, nothing." He turned away and started to chug the beer. "I'm gonna need another beer, Carter."

"Yes, sir."

"Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Did you _really_ invite…" he grimaced to himself as he said the name, "…_Pete_?"

"Uh, yes, sir. But he said he couldn't make it til four, since he's working."

"Ah. Right." He paused. "Carter?"

"Yes sir?" She was standing beside him, helping him form hamburger patties.

"Is it too late to un-invite him?" He poked a patty into submission. Success! He was the Lord of the Burgers.

_Thank God!_ the voice crowed. _Finally, he does something, ladies and gentlemen!_

"No, I don't think it is, sir," she said, smacking a particularly thick patty until it was her desired thickness.

"Good. Uh, well. Um." He hesitated, and winced at how stupid he sounded.

"Sir, if I may?" Was it him, or was she inching towards him?

"Go ahead, Carter." Seriously, was she getting closer, or was this beer a little stronger than he thought?

"Are you… _asking_ me to un-invite Pete?" Her eyes flicked up at him.

"Well. Uh. Uhm. Yes." Okay, he wasn't drunk enough to confuse physical contact and her hip was grazing his. Slightly.

"Oh, well. All right." And now the hip was pressed up against his. He swallowed.

"Good. Good. Um. I'm- I'm going to go check on the grill." He grabbed the plate of burgers and she smiled.

"I'll be right out, sir. After I call Pete."

* * *

The day actually turned out nicely – it ended up raining (Jack knew it was because he prayed for it to rain, just to get Carter covered up) and they stayed inside where Teal'c tried to get them to play Monopoly, and then watch _Star Wars_, but they really ended up teasing Daniel about not having a girlfriend and hypothesizing what kind of woman he needed.

_All in all,_ he thought, _it was a good day._

It was about to get better.

Once Daniel and Teal'c left, it was just him and Carter. She'd gone outside to finish saying something to Daniel and had forgotten her jacket, so now she was sitting on his couch, drinking his beer, in a (wet) sweet little tank top.

_Antarctica, Antarctica, Antarctica_, he repeated to himself.

_KISS HER,_ the voice screamed at him. _She's _asking _for it!!!!!_

He viewed the multiple exclamation points as unnecessary.

"So." She moved over to sit next to him and turned to face him.

"So." He fidgeted nervously with his beer bottle.

She put her drink down – she'd quit the beer after her third, which had been his fifth – and looked at him. He might've resisted.

If she hadn't licked her bottom lip like that.

"Oh, to hell with it," he muttered.

Then he dropped his beer bottle onto the floor and slid his other hand around her neck and pulled her face to his. And then he proceeded to kiss the living daylights out of her.


	4. The Eloquent O'Neill

"Oh my God. Oh, my _God_. OH MY GOD."

Those were the words Jack O'Neill woke up to. His response was, as ever, eloquent.

"Huh? Wha-" he mumbled, rolling over.

Carter was sitting there, sheet wrapped around her (_Naked, naked, naked!_ said the voice, ever gleeful) body. She also looked panicked. It was kinda cute. "OH MY GOD," she repeated, seemingly shocked and – he was somewhat annoyed to realize – horrified.

"Carter, am I so old that the mere thought of sleeping with me is repulsive?" he grumbled, pulling himself into a sitting position.

That seemed to pull her back to reality. "No, sir-"

"Carter," he interjected, "we've just finished 'a night to end all nights'. I think you can call me Jack."

She blushed. "Er, yes si- Jack." She fidgeted with the sheets. "Call me Sam."

"Right. Car- _Sam_, can I ask you a question?" He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Go ahead."

"_Why_ did you pick six-thirty A.M. to freak out on me? Y'know, I'm not as young as I seem, and after a night like that, I need my rest if you ever expect a repeat performance." The bit about a 'repeat performance' sent her right past 'blush' and into 'volcanic activity'. He smirked.

_Finally, finally, finally!!!_ the voice was singing. And… was that a happy dance he detected in the far reaches of his mind? Oh, forcryin'outloud.

"Sorry… Jack… I, uh, just woke up and it, um, hit me." She was tugging on the sheet now. He gave it a jerk and she squeaked as it flew out of her grasp and slid down her body. "_Jack!_"

"Sorry, Carter. Reflex." He grinned at her and she poked him in the stomach. "Anyway, what's there to freak out over?"

Her mouth dropped open. "What's there to- _Sir_! We could be court-martialed! Sent to prison! Our careers would be over! We'd never go through the Stargate again."

"Oh, right. That." She poked him again, harder this time. "_Ow._ Carter, forcryin'outloud, stop it!"

"Sorry, sir," she muttered, settling up against the headboard with the sheet pulled back up over her. "Just a little worried about my _future_ here."

He reached up and smoothed her hair and then kissed the crown of her head. By the look on her face, she hadn't expected him to be so… so…

_Tender?_ the voice supplied. _Loving? Oh, come on. We both know you can – and will – do it. Be the supportive, caring boyfriend. It won't kill you._

_You never know,_ he grumbled at it. Out loud he said, "Carter, it's obvious. I'll retire; you go on at the SGC. Life'll go on."

"But, sir-"

"Ah!" She swatted him, laughing.

"_Jack_, we need you! You can't retire – who'll deal with the Asgard? Or lead SG-1? Or…" she trailed off, "…do the… myriad of things you… do."

"Ha, you can't think of anything can you?" He laughed. "Face it, Carter. I'm replaceable. Besides, you can lead SG-1. I have every confidence in you. As long as you come home, in one piece, ready to do _exactly_ what we did all last night."

"Don't think I could give that up," she replied, smiling up at him. "But Jack, you _can't_ retire; the SGC _needs_ you. And that's more important than-" she motioned between them, "-is, as sad as I am to say that."

He sighed. "Carter, I'm sick and tired of doing the whole denial thing. I love you, okay? I want to be with you. And I've saved the world enough; it's time for me to do something for _me_. Or I'll go crazy, not being with you."

She was silent for a while, and when he looked down at her, she was crying. He must've looked alarmed, because she made reassuring motions and sniffled loudly until she could talk. "That… that is the most romantic thing anyone has ever told me," she said. She looked like she was going to say something else, but it disintegrated into a wail and – slightly alarmed, since Emotional Carter was hard to process – that's when Jack pulled her to him and held her, face buried in her hair, for a while.

Finally, the crying subsided. He was relieved. "Um," he said as she sat back up. She looked at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"I'll retire," she said, firmly. "I'll put in my resignation tomorrow."

"Oh, no," he said, but she held up a hand.

"Hear me out, Jack, please." He closed his mouth and gave her a 'continue' look. "Right. If you retire, they wouldn't be able to rehire you and send you out on missions – you'd be a consultant for the SGC, but they couldn't send you out. But if _I_ retire, they can hire me back as a scientist – I mean, I've got two Ph.Ds. Besides, General Hammond told me once if I ever left the military, he'd keep a spot open for me." She started to grin. "And, if I retired, I wouldn't have to keep calling you 'sir' all the time."

"I dunno, Carter. I kinda like the 'sir'. Hey!" He held up an arm to protect him from the pillow she was hitting him with. "Carter! Stop!"

She stopped. "Well?"

"Well what?" He rubbed his arm where she'd hit it. That woman could wield a pillow.

"Well, do you agree with my idea?" She gave him an impatient look and he would've sworn that if they'd been standing, her foot would've been tapping.

"I don't want to be the reason you get out of the Air Force, Carter," he said quietly, looking her right in the eye.

She smiled and reached over to take his face in her hands. "Jack. I love you, too. And I can still have a career in the academic field, if not with the military. Being in the Air Force doesn't mean as much to me as being with you would."

He grinned, slowly and – he would never, ever admit it, even in a court of law – shyly. "All right, then, Carter. I guess I'm all yours."

And then she jumped him.

* * *

"You know," he said, hours later, "it's a really good thing that today's Sunday. Otherwise we would be in _so_ much trouble."

"Wow, Jack, you're really insightful, you know?" she said, laughing at him.

"Oh, shut up," he growled at her, pinning her against the counter with his face an inch from his. "I'm making you breakfast; you're not allowed to be mean to me."

She leaned in and kissed him lightly. "Just don't put beer in the pancakes."

"But that gives it so much flavor!" he argued, as the doorbell rang.

"I don't want to hear it," she called back, still laughing at him. "No beer!"

Normally Samantha Carter was a much more thorough thinker than she was that morning. The reason this is stated – since it's usually obvious – is because she was answering the door wearing Jack O'Neill's oversize _The Simpsons_ t-shirt, which had been the closest thing to hand when they'd finally got out of bed.

So as she was laughing at her not-so-newfound-boyfriend/partner/_something_, she opened the front door.

And standing there were Daniel and Teal'c.

"Well, this is a surprise," Daniel said, his eyebrows raised. Teal'c nodded.

"Indeed."

"Hi guys," Jack heard Carter say. "What're you doing here so… early?"

"MajorCarter, it is indeed past noon."

Jack came out then. "Hey there campers! Whatcha doin' here?"

Daniel smiled at him, very amused. "Oh, we just thought we'd stop by and see how you're doing… Seeing as how it's one-thirty."

"Ah!" Jack held up a finger. "But it's a _Sunday._ So you really have no reason for being here."

"No… No, I wouldn't say that," Daniel said. "We just, uh, happened to be driving through your neighborhood when we saw that Sam's car was still here and we thought we'd drop in to see if she was okay." He looked at Teal'c. "Right, Teal'c?"

"Indeed, DanielJackson. I believe that is exactly what you instru-" He was cut off by Daniel coughing loudly.

"Yes, yes. So, Jack, something smells good. Can we join you?" Daniel asked, grinning.

"Sure," Jack said. "As soon as Carter puts on some _pants_." The last word he said loudly into Carter's ear. She jumped.

"Right! Pants. Yes. Um. Where are they?"

"I believe they're, um, outside the door to my room," Jack replied, trying not to look at Daniel's smug face.

"Right. Right. I'll be right back." Carter smiled, nervously, at Daniel and Teal'c before going to find her pants.

Jack turned to Daniel, who was _smirking_ now. "_What_?" he said.

"Oh, nothing," Daniel said. Now he was _smug_.

_I vote we smack the smug off of him_, the voice said. _Wouldn't that be satisfying? _

_Yes, but it would be _wrong he thought back at it. _And what're you doing here? Carter and I are together! _

_Who said I was just here for that?_ the voice said, sharing Daniel's exasperating smugness.

_Argh_, Jack thought, and then went back to Daniel. "I'll say it again: _What_?"

"You've just won me a _lot_ of money," Daniel said, grinning.

"What? Money?" he looked at Daniel, confused. Then realization dawned. "You _bet_ on me and Carter?"

"Indeed, O'Neill. In fact, the entire SGC has been gambling on when you two would enter into a relationship for quite some time now. DanielJackson is the closest." He voice took on a slightly darker tone as he said: "I was but a week off."

"Hey, you snooze with placing your bet, you lose," Daniel said, positively _chipper_.

"You were the one who informed me of an incoming transmission from Chulak, DanielJackson, in order to beat me in placing your bet."

"All's fair in love, war, and betting on your colleague's romances," Daniel said sagely.

"Indeed. This is why I have placed numerous bets on your relationship with ValaMalDoran." Teal'c gave Daniel his smug look.

"Hey, isn't that the chick who beat you up?" Jack said.

Daniel was turning red. "She did _not_ beat me up!"

"Whatever you say. Ah, Carter. Glad to see you back here. Apparently Danny-boy and Teal'c bet on our relationship. Hey, are those pancakes burning?" And, since he didn't really want to witness Carter killing Daniel and Teal'c, he went back into the kitchen.

A second later he heard the dulcet tones of his beloved say: "You did _WHAT?_"

* * *

"Jack," she said, between kisses, "I really have to go."

"Why?" he murmured. "Why don't you just go get your stuff and come back here?"

"Because," she said, pushing him away firmly, "if I did that, I'd never get any sleep and you know it. We both need to be well rested for when the General kills us."

"Oh. Right." He wrinkled his nose at her. "We could just _cuddle_, y'know."

She gave him a Look. "Cuddle."

"I've been known to cuddle!" he protested.

"Somehow I doubt that's what you'd do if I stayed." She smirked at him.

"Yeah, yeah." He rubbed the back of his head.

She turned and opened the front door, but before she walked out he grabbed her and pinned her against the door, for one last kiss.

"Jack," she said, when he finally pulled away. "I'm not going anywhere. Figuratively. Literally, I have to go home."

"I know," he said. "I just like doing that. It's fun."

She laughed. "Fun. Right, sir."

She gave him another kiss and walked out. He grinned.

_By the way,_ the voice said, _I don't know if you remembered or not… _

_Spit it out,_ he said to it as he closed the front door.

_Carter's dad is coming in for that periodic 'liaise with the Tok'Ra' thing. Tomorrow. It's your first meeting._ The voice sounded amused. _This should be good._

He didn't even hear it. _Oh shit,_ he thought. _I'm dead._


	5. Without Leave

_Jacob is gonna kill you,_ the voice said as he walked into the SGC. _You're sleeping with Carter. His beloved genius daughter. Going back to Ba'al would be better than what Jacob's gonna do to you._

_Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, forcryin'outloud!_ he said to it, sliding his I.D. card into the elevator and pressing his floor number. _I don't even know if we're going to tell him. Hell, we haven't even told Hammond yet! Though… if Daniel collected on those bets…_

He was cut off on that train of thought because the elevator doors opened and when he stepped out a technician took one look at him, smirked, and grinned. Smugly.

He couldn't help it. It just burst out. "Is something _funny_, airman?" he growled at the tech, advancing on him. "Did I _miss_ something? Huh?"

"No- No, sir," the tech squeaked, backing away. "Sorry sir!" He fled and Jack felt minutely satisfied.

_So this is what you've sunk to? Scaring poor, hapless technicians? I think he had to go take his inhaler,_ the voice said. _Big, bad Colonel._

"Oh, shut up," he muttered to himself, going into the briefing room.

"Jack!" Jacob Carter was smiling at him from his seat at the table. "We were beginning to think you'd never get here. Apparently George wants to talk about something before we start the meeting."

His eyes went directly to Carter. He gave her a 'You didn't' look. She avoided eye contact and started humming. _Humming_, forcryin'outloud.

"Oh, geez," he said, sinking into the seat at the head, between Hammond and Teal'c.

"Are you well, O'Neill?" Teal'c said.

"I am. Sorta. Let's just get this over with, shall we?" he said, looking at Hammond and clapping his hands together.

"I suppose we shall," the General said, looking vaguely amused. He cleared his throat. "Jacob, this morning Major Carter handed in her resignation from this post and her request to sever from the Air Force."

Jacob's jaw dropped. "What?!" He turned to his daughter. "Sam, why? If you quit the SGC-"

"Luckily, she doesn't have to," Hammond said. "I've offered her a position as head of our research department and will keep her on as the resident scientist on SG-1."

Jacob now looked more confused than shocked. "But, if she's just going to do what she's been doing, why leave the Air-" He broke off, catching Sam's tiny, almost non-existent glance at Jack. His jaw dropped again, and not in a good way. "Oh, no."

"Now, Jacob," Hammond said, "I've heard her out and her reasons are, well, reasonable. I think you should really sit down and listen to them-"

But Jacob wasn't listening. He'd stood up and was going around the table to where Jack was sitting. Jack _leapt_ from his chair and moved to keep Teal'c in between them. "Now, Jacob, don't kill me till you've heard me out!"

"Hear you out? _Hear you out?_ I'll tell you what I'm going to do, I'm going to _ream_ you ou-" This time he broke off because Selmak took over. "I am sorry for Jacob's behavior, even if he is not," the symbiote said. He went back and sat down. "Please, continue. Jacob is listening."

"Uh, right," Jack said, sitting down. _Ha! Saved by the snake,_ the voice snickered at him. _Ah, poetic justice!_ "Well, y'see, I'm kinda in love with Carter. Sam," he corrected himself. "And I have been for, well, honestly? I've been in love with her for years." He winced inwardly as he remembered the SFs in the corner and just _knew_ they'd be the talk of the locker room for _weeks_.

Selmak looked distant for a moment and then focused back on him. "This is… agreeable to Jacob. Though he says that he would like to state, for the record, that if you harm Samantha, 'they will never find all of your body'. I would like to state that I must agree with this statement." He gave Jack a meaningful look. Jack nodded.

"Fair enough." _Thank God this is over. Now they all know; that's the hard part._

"So Jack," Jacob said – Selmak having relinquished control once he saw Jacob wasn't going to murder Jack. "What, exactly, are you intentions towards my daughter?"

Jack _had_ been taking a much-needed drink of water. But at Jacob's words, he sprayed it all over the table. "Excuse me?" he sputtered.

"Your _intentions_," Jacob said again, "towards _my_ daughter."

"_Dad_!" Carter said. "Stop it! Leave Colonel- _Jack_ alone!" She glanced at Jack. "Sorry. Force of habit."

"S'fine, Carter." He coughed again, and Teal'c slapped him on the back a few times. "I think I need to go lie down."

"_After_ the meeting, Colonel," Hammond said, smiling in a way Jack found unnecessarily cruel.

Thankfully, the rest of the briefing had nothing to do with him, Sam, or them in conjugation. He zoned out when the Carters brought out their finest arsenal of techno-babble (he understood most of it; he just didn't like to listen to it unless it was just _his_ Carter talking – when her dad was at it with her it was a little creepy).

* * *

As he was coming out of the briefing – Daniel had left earlier because of some "translation emergency" (he couldn't figure that one out – if it had been there for three million years, what was the hurry to translate it _now_?) – he saw the aforementioned archaeologist grinning smugly at the gate technician-dialer-guy – what was his name? Jack always forgot – who was placing bills in Daniel's outstretched hand.

_Oh, I will have my revenge,_ he thought, as Daniel flashed him a particularly smug look. _It will be _sweet_, too._

_That's the spirit!_ the voice said. He got the distinct impression it was eating popcorn.

"Hey, T!" he said, jogging a bit to catch up with the Jaffa.

"O'Neill." Teal'c inclined his head. They'd long since learned it was Teal'c version of… well, insert any obnoxious Earth greeting involving copious amounts of exclamation points. "What is 'up'?"

"Well, I was wonderin' if you remembered the chick who beat Daniel up?"

"The woman from the _Prometheus_?" Teal'c raised the Eyebrow of Inquisitiveness.

Jack nodded. "Yeahsureyoubetcha. Whatever her name was." He grinned. "Feel like goin' and trackin' her down for me? Bring her back, maybe?"

"I am unsure as to your intentions, O'Neill," Teal'c said. "For what purpose would it serve to bring her to the SGC?"

"I was thinking Daniel needs to make some new friends," Jack said, carefully keeping his voice neutral. Teal'c's face acquired as close to a smirk as it ever did.

"I believe I understand you, O'Neill," he said. "I am to visit Ry'ac soon. Perhaps I shall seek this woman out while I am offworld."

"That's all I'm askin' big guy." Jack glanced at his watch. "Ah, gotta go catch Carter. See you later!"

* * *

He skidded to a stop in front of Carter's lab. To his shock and amazement, she was packing it up. "Carter!"

She jumped and then glared at him. "Don't do that."

"Sorry." He paused and she raised her eyebrows at him. "Oh, right. What're you doing, packin' up your lab?"

She grinned. "As head of the research department, I get a bigger lab. I'm moving to it today."

"Oh. Sweet." He grinned back at her.

"Not to try and kick you out, sir, but aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with General Hammond right now?"

"I am?"

"He said something about it. Right as you… ran out the door." She laughed. "I guess you didn't hear him. You'd better get up there, sir."

"Right. See you later, Carter."

"Count on it, sir." She gave him one of those mega-watt smiles he loved and he went back to Hammond's office and knocked on the door.

"Sir?"

"Come in, Jack. Sit down." General Hammond looked at him, arms crossed across his chest and leaning back in his chair.

Jack sat. "Sir?"

"Jack, what were you _thinking_?" Hammond said. "Getting involved with Major Carter? Without telling me? Without _leave_?"

_Aw, crap,_ he thought. _I thought I wouldn't have to hear this speech._

He drew a breath. "Well, sir…"


	6. God's Gift To Lonely Archaeologists

"…and so she volunteered to get out. Honestly. It was her idea." Jack tried to look earnest and truthful and all that good stuff. He doubted it was working. "Seriously. I was going to retire, but she said that I was needed more at the SGC."

Hammond looked at him, with his chin leaning on his hand. Finally he held up a hand to stop Jack's babbling. "Jack. Thank you for the explanation. It was very… long and… detailed. Now it's time for me inform you what the president said to me about this."

Jack felt his future slipping away from him. _Ah yes, I can see it now,_ the voice opined. _A nice eight-by-six cell, reserved just for you at Leavenworth. _

"President Hayes would like you to know that, though he is disappointed to have lost a very good United States military officer in Samantha Carter, he is glad that you two have found happiness, at long last." The General glanced at his notes. "Also, he would like you to be certain that an IOA investigation is pending if you and Doctor Carter fraternize while off-world."

Jack felt his mouth drop open a little bit. "Is that all, sir?"

"Yes, I think-" Hammond began, glancing at his notes again. "Ah, no it's not." A tiny grin formed on his lips. "President Hayes also asks you to remind Daniel Jackson that he owes him ten percent. Apparently Doctor Jackson will know what you're talking about. That's all."

"Right, sir." He got up and walked out, so relieved that he didn't notice the tiny reference to Daniel's bet on him and Carter.

_So you're not off to jail,_ the voice said. _I'm surprised. Though I can't really believe that the president bet on you and Carter. Seems a bit unprofessional, doesn't it?_

_Yeah,_ he griped back at it, _and unethical. Seriously, what are you still doing here? _

_That's for me to know and you to find out,_ the voice said. It was – as usual – cryptic and mysterious.

"Right," he muttered. He turned down a corridor and caught sight of Daniel. "DANIEL."

The archaeologist stopped and turned. "Yeah Jack?"

"President wants to remind you that you owe him ten percent or something. And _I_ wanted to tell you that if you think you're getting away with this whole betting thing, you've got another think coming." He gave Daniel his Purposefully Smug look – the one that _really_ irritated him – and walked away, towards Carter's new lab.

When he reached the lab he leaned in the doorway and grinned at her. She looked up at him and smiled.

"How'd it go?" she asked him, leaning away from her (he thought) over-used laptop.

"Good. It went good." He grinned wider. "It's a good day."

* * *

She understood completely about the fraternization rules – after all, it was a miracle he hadn't been formally reprimanded. When they went on a mission later that week they were completely professional – right up until they left the SGC when they got back Earthside. She'd moved into his house the day after that. Her father was aghast; he tried to persuade her against it, but she stood firm, telling him "It's been years coming, Dad, it's not like we just met." 

A week after they moved in together, they'd been at the SGC for a few hours when the alarm sounded for gate activity.

Jack was in Carter's lab (as usual) when it sounded. She was in the middle of trying to run a simulation and he was in the middle of trying to convince her to let him download Tetris on her cell phone so he could play it.

"Jack," she said, her eyebrows pinched together in her most polite annoyed manner, "I am trying to _work_. Why don't you do the same?"

"I don't have much work," he claimed, flicking his paper football over her head. She glared at him.

"I walked by your office this morning, Jack, and your desk was covered with paperwork. I can't believe you-"

He cut her off. "Hey, did you know your phone has _games_? Sweet! Tetris! Can I download it?"

"_Jack_," she said, exasperated. Then the alarm sounded.

"That'd be Teal'c," he said, dropping her cell phone onto the steel countertop and dashing out the door. She didn't protest at his cavalier treatment of her piece of tiny, expensive technology because she was right behind him as he ran to the Control Room. They moved to stand by General Hammond as Daniel came in.

"It's Teal'c's IDC, sir," Harriman said.

"Let him in," the general ordered. The iris contracted and the flickering blue of the event horizon became visible. Teal'c stepped through and then turned, as if waiting.

"Did Teal'c invite Bra'tac or Rya'c back with him?" Daniel asked.

General Hammond grinned a bit, but kept facing ahead. "No, I believe this is a visitor of another caliber."

A woman stepped through, wearing a black leather halter top (_Ooh, it's _studded the voice said, sounding glazed, _and look at those pants…_) she looked around and then her gaze settled on the window to the control room and her face split into a large smile.

"Oh no," Daniel said. He looked over at Jack. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't."

Jack smirked at him. "Oh, I did."

By this time the woman had come into the Control Room. She leaned against a computer and practically _purred_ at Daniel. "Daniel, darling, if you wanted to see me this much, you could have come yourself, not sent your Jaffa bodyguard. Honestly, I don't play _that_ hard to get." She looked over at everyone else. "Hello! I'm Vala Mal Doran. _So_ nice to meet you."

He turned red as she tweaked his nose lightly. "Vala, I didn't send for you. _Jack_ did." He pointed the patented Daniel Jackson Accusatory Finger of Doom at Jack. She glanced in Jack's direction. He waved at her.

"Well, hey there little lady. I, uh, 'sent for you' because I think Daniel is in sore need of some female companionship and you're the only _live_ woman I've heard him mention in the last six months."

"Oh Daniel," she cooed, patting his chest, "I didn't know you cared that much."

"I. Don't." Daniel edged away from her, but she was too quick and pulled his wallet out (and by the expression on his face, had grabbed something else on the way out).

_I think I could get to love this woman,_ the voice told Jack. _In a completely friendly, non-romantic way, of course. Since Carter is _so_ much hotter than Vala._

_Agreed,_ Jack responded. _On both points._

"Oooh," Vala said, pulling Daniel's American Express out from his wallet. "What's this?"

"Don't tell-" Daniel began, but Teal'c cut across him.

"It is a credit card, ValaMalDoran," the Jaffa said. "It is used on Earth instead of currency. Though the cards do come with pre-approved limits. I believe DanielJackson's credit limit is around twenty-five thousand."

Daniel gaped at him. "_Why_ did you tell her that?" he said, at the same time Vala grinned and said, "So where do I spend this, then?"

"I think," General Hammond said, "that before you go spending Doctor Jackson's money-" ("Which she _won't_ be doing," Daniel muttered) "-you should go to the infirmary and get examined to make sure you're healthy."

"Darling, of _course_ I'm healthy!" Vala said, tucking Daniel's wallet down her top. "Can't you tell?" And then she leaned back a bit more, which put her at a very flattering angle. Jack didn't miss the up-and-down look Daniel gave her, or the glance Sam shot him. He grinned at Sam and leaned down.

"I never really cared for brunettes," he whispered in her ear. "Blondes have more fun."

She hid a smile from him. "Of course."

"So Daniel," Vala purred (_Ha, did ya see Dannyboy there gulp?_ the voice said), linking her fingers through his belt loops and pulling him close to her, "after I'm cleared by your medics, what are you going to do with me?"

"_I'm_ not going to do _anything_," Daniel said firmly. For a second, Vala's smile dropped and Jack could tell there was something behind that cheery exterior.

"But, _darling_," she started, until Jack cut across her.

"Why don't we take her fishing?" Sam gave him an 'are-you-crazy' look and Daniel gave him his 'I-am-never-going-to-forgive-you-for-this' expression that Jack always got when Daniel got mad at him (like, say, when he broke one of Daniel's so-called "priceless" artifacts).

"Fishing," General Hammond said. "Is that a good idea, colonel?"

"Well, maybe not, sir," Jack said brightly. "But it'd be a good chance to get to know each other. I always say that you can tell a lot about a person by the way you fish." There was silence for a moment after that.

"Yeah, you never say that," Daniel said. Jack glared at him.

"Carter, tell him he's wrong," he said to Sam.

"Sorry, Jack. I have never heard you say that."

"Ohforcryin'outloud," he muttered. "T, man, tell them they're wrong."

"I cannot, O'Neill," Teal'c said, calm as ever. "For I have indeed never heard you utter that phrase."

"Oh, _fine_," Jack said. "Then I'll start saying it." He looked at Vala. "How do you feel about Minnesota?"

"I've never been there," she said brightly, giving him her toothy grin. "And I do _so_ enjoy traveling, right Daniel?"

"Right," Daniel groaned. "Great. General, please say no."

"I'm sorry, Doctor Jackson," Hammond said, moving towards the staircase up to the briefing room. "I can't do that. Now, take Miss Mal Doran here to the infirmary and get her checked out." With that, he went upstairs. Jack could've sworn he heard the man chuckling.

"Well!" Jack said, clapping his hands together. "Looks like we're goin' fishing!"

Everyone groaned, except for Vala, who sighed rather melodramatically. Daniel glanced at her.

"_What_?" he asked her.

She gave him a mournful look as she flashed his American Express card at him again and said, "I'm afraid I simply don't have _anything_ to wear."


	7. Road Trip Fun

"This was a stupid idea," he muttered to himself as he stuffed what must've been the eightieth duffel bag of crap into his shiny new SUV. _You can say that again,_ the voice said, amused. "This was _such_ a stupid idea," he said.

"What was that?" Sam asked, walking past him. "I've got shotgun, right?"

"You've got permission to shoot anyone who tries to steal it," he told her.

He grinned when he heard her say, jokingly, "Sweet!"

"Attagirl, Carter!" he called as he (finally) closed the trunk. Teal'c, Daniel, and Vala were just now pulling into the driveway. He looked at Daniel (who looked _extremely_ annoyed, he was glad to note). "Took you long enough."

"Sorry, darling," the female alien responded for Daniel. "Muscles and I here apparently breached the ultimate protocol by drinking your delightful Earth beverage coffee and not saving Daniel some. We had to wait for another pot to brew, or some such nonsense."

_Oh, she's good,_ the voice said. _She's very good. I wonder if there are more like her?_

_I think one is more than enough, thank you,_ Jack replied to it. _Though I do like her._

"It wasn't the fact that you _drank all my coffee_," Daniel said, pushing his glasses up angrily as she smirked at him. "It was the fact that you drank all my coffee _after I had asked you to save me some_!"

Vala shrugged, an action which looked very good when done whilst wearing her (new, bought with Daniel's stolen credit card) leather jacket. "Sorry darling. I must have missed that request. Shall we get going? Ooh, Sam! You simply must see this adorable scarf I got!" She dashed over to Sam and began to regale her with her adventures at the mall with Daniel the previous day (she'd apparently managed to guilt him into taking her again – he hadn't heard the story behind the guilt or the mall, but he couldn't wait). Jack caught a glimpse of Sam's laughing face and thought for a moment that it was good that she had a female friend; she didn't really see anyone but the other scientists (blech) and the team (okay) and occasionally Cassie (good), so she needed someone like Vala, who would make her do things.

(_Like buying more things at Victoria's Secret,_ the voice whispered. He agreed with it. When Sam had come back from that first trip to the mall with Vala, she'd had two bulging pink-striped bags. She'd refused to let him look in them, claiming they were "for vacation" and then gave him a – for Carter – naughty grin.)

Well, probably more like drag her kicking and screaming and/or drugged, but either way she'd do it.

"I can't believe you're actually bringing her with us," Daniel said, drinking deeply from his thermos.

_Neither can I,_ Jack though. "Oh, c'mon Daniel," he said, clapping the archaeologist on the back, slightly harder than necessary. "Live a little. I like her. She's got… um… T, help me out."

"I believe the term you are searching for is 'spirit', O'Neill." The large man paused. "Or perhaps 'ginger', which is a slightly more antiquated term that I have become familiar with through your television."

"…Right." He and Daniel exchanged looks that said 'We've got to start monitoring Teal'c's TiVo settings'. "Sooo… let's get going?" He went around to the front of the car and climbed in the driver's seat. Vala was ensconced in the seat behind Sam, who was completely turned around in her seat, listening to Vala.

"But what about leather?" Sam was asking as he got in.

"Oh, not leather darling," Vala replied, moving over a bit for Daniel. "Leather chafes such tender areas rather dreadfully, I'm sorry to say, it being extremely attractive notwithstanding."

Daniel looked at both of them. "Do I even _want_ to know?"

Vala smiled at him. "That depends, darling," she said, tugging on his collar. "How do you feel about leather underdrawers?" Daniel choked on his coffee and Jack laughed as he backed the SUV out of his driveway.

* * *

A few hours passed by. Teal'c had brought a number of 'quintessential Earthculture books' – read: trashy supermarket aisle romance novels – which he was reading in the backseat (and occasionally asking meanings of words and acts that only Vala would supply). Daniel was _trying_ (as he so often said) to finish a translation from P4X-wherever that was _very important_. Vala was watching the scenery with wide, fascinated eyes (when she wasn't educating Teal'c, that is). And Carter? Well, Carter had fallen asleep; her head slumped against the window, around hour four of the drive.

He grinned at the sight of his girlfriend – lover? partner? fiancée? (no, not fiancée; he hadn't proposed… yet) – asleep in the passenger seat of _his_ SUV, on the way to _his_ cabin in the woods (for the first time as his… whatever she was to him; The One, maybe?).

Thankfully the rest of the (fifteen hour) drive didn't take too long (or so it seemed). And, finally, they were in Minnesota, standing in front of his cabin.

"Bed," moaned Vala. "I need a bed." She was draped – attractively, of course – all over Daniel, who looked uncomfortable – until he glanced down and saw Vala's breasts pressed against his chest, then he just looked mildly turned on (which, Jack had to admit, closely resembled his annoyed look).

Jack wrapped his arm around Carter. "Well, Carter? Whaddya say, is it time to turn in?"

She smiled. "Yes, sir," she said.

Teal'c nodded in agreement. "I, too, am in need of rest, O'Neill."

Jack nodded. "Well, you know where to go, then. C'mon Carter. I'm exhausted." He took a few steps and then paused, realizing that she wasn't beside him anymore. "Carter?" He turned and caught sight of her surprised expression.

"I just realized," she said slowly, turning pink at the sight of their audience, "that this would be the first time I, um, wouldn't be in a guest room."

"Not unless you want to," he told her, feeling his eyes crinkle.

"Oh, so you two are a couple?" Vala said. They looked at her.

"Duh," Jack told the female alien.

"Well pardon me, darling," she replied, "and many happy returns, Samantha." She nuzzled Daniel's neck. "Now, darling, take me to bed."

"How about 'no'?" Daniel said, edging her away from him. She pouted at him.

Jack laughed. "I don't see why not, Danny-boy. I don't have an objection to the little lady here sharing your room."

"Me neither," Carter piped up, giving Daniel the closest thing to an evil grin that could ever grace her features.

"I also have no objections, DanielJackson," Teal'c said.

"Well," Daniel said, annoyed, "I _do_."

"Isn't he the life of the party," Vala remarked. She eyed Teal'c. "What d'you say, Muscles? I saw that PlayStation in your bag. Star Wars Battlefront, best forty out of a hundred twenty?"

"Indeed," Teal'c replied, carefully marking his page and putting the book into his bag. "I will see you there."

"Right!" the female alien replied cheerfully. "Just let me go fetch a soda from the vending machines – wonderful invention, by the way. I've never seen the like on all the planets I've visited."

"Thank you," Jack responded solemnly, handing her the bag she had designated her 'staying-overnight-whilst-on-the-road' bag. "We're rather proud of them."

She gave him an amused look, her eyes telling him that she understood his manner of humor and never drawing attention to his intelligence. It unnerved him that this alien – who he'd known for barely a week – could see that so plainly. Daniel was still somewhat clueless.

Just then, Daniel came back from checking them all in. "Hey, I just got a call from Hammond," he said. Jack groaned. "No, we're not being called back. He just wanted to tell you that he's assigning some new Air Force officer to SG-1."

"Why didn't he call the Colonel direct?" Carter said, coming around the side of the SUV.

Daniel gave Jack a mildly accusing slash amused look. "Apparently because his cell phone is turned off."

Carter raised her eyebrows at Jack, who grinned unabashedly back at her. "Not only off, but sitting at home on the nightstand," he told her. She sighed, smiling.

"I can see it's a good thing I packed mine," she told him, laughing, "even if it's off."

Jack rolled his eyes at her. "That's my Carter," he remarked, to no one in particular, though Vala laughed at it. "So who'd Hammond say he assigned to us?" He grabbed his bag and started walking towards their rooms. Daniel fell in beside him.

"Some former pilot. Got shot down during the Anubis thing, but he saw too much and had to be debriefed on the program. Since Sam left the Air Force, Hammond's apparently been under a lot of pressure from the Pentagon to assign another officer to SG-1 and since this guy knew about the program, they figured he'd be a perfect match."

Jack sighed. "I'll argue Hammond out of it when we get home. This is _not_ going to ruin the fishing. We are _not_ going home." He pretended he didn't hear the "damn" from Carter or see the minor grimace that contorted Teal'c's features – though, really, who could tell the difference? – because in his world, they loved fishing _just_ as much as he did, dammit.

* * *

The next day came early for some of them (Vala and Teal'c in particular, since they had been up playing Star Wars Battlefront most of the night – Teal'c won overall, but Vala had had him on the run for a while) and they all packed themselves into the car by 0800 and drove out of the miscellaneous little town they'd stayed in.

When they finally arrived at his cabin, Vala fell out of the car moaning, "Oh, I never want to see Nebraska _ever again_."

"It is pretty flat," Carter admitted to the black-haired woman.

"Indeed," Teal'c said, in his distinctly beleaguered tone.

Jack ignored them all. "Welcome to Minnesota!" he crowed, unlocking the front door. "C'mon, now, Danny-boy! Hurry up with those bags!"

Daniel grunted at him, halfway to the front door. "God, Vala, what'd you pack?"

"Just the essentials, darling," she said absently, strolling around the side of the cabin with Teal'c hot on her heels. "Goodness!" her voice came. "How lovely!"

"Glad to see _someone_ appreciates my cabin," Jack muttered, giving Carter a dark look. She kissed his cheek.

"I love your cabin," she said. "Just not the fishing thing. Or the bugs." She paused for a moment, thoughtful. "Or the fact that I can't get wifi here, or a decent newspaper, or a good cup of coffee. You really have terrible taste in coffee." After a moment of looking him in the eye solemnly, she laughed. "You really should see your face. It's hilarious."

"Ha ha ha," he muttered, feeling the faint tug of a grin on his face. "You think you're funny, Carter, but you're really not."

"Oh, yes I am, Jack," she said, grinning. "And you know it."

"Mhm," he said, leaning down to kiss her full on the mouth. "Right. Whatever you say."


End file.
